Who is the Happiest Woman You Know?
As Americans, we celebrate freedom on July 4th every year. Does freedom mean we are entitled to attain all we desire? We are free to pursue happiness within a framework of rights and laws. Naturally, life is full of limitations based upon our unique talents and circumstances. Even the wealthiest of Americans with the best education have limitations.
Coincidentally, as we prepare to celebrate our country’s independence, I found a most intriguing article by Anne-Marie Slaughter titled, Why Women Still Can’t Have it All. I encourage women and men to read this article. Ms. Slaughter shares her life story and also proposes that in our careers, we may not experience a steep upward slope, instead it may resemble stair steps with periods of plateaus. She also expresses that dramatic societal shifts would need to occur to allow women to truly have it all.
Debates about women “having it all” dates back decades. What does it really mean? I suspect it means something different to each of us, just as each of us has a unique vision of happiness.
Where is it written that something of value is not attained without sacrifices or trade-offs? Look
at the utmost example of our Olympic athletes. Committing to raising children also requires trade-offs. When I chose to have children, I dedicated my life to not only providing basic care, but providing myself to them and making their every need my priority. Work, family, health, friendships, community, and many other things compete for our attention. It is our choice how we divide our focus.
For the top tier positions, it is not a matter of legislating employers to create environments that promote family time. It is the competition for the top jobs that drives the environment in which eager ladder-climbers work as many hours as it takes to get and keep the job. Once the job is won, there is always somebody nipping at their heels to take their place. It’s human nature. You cannot change this.
In the case of the vast majority of female workers, working is not singularly a desire to climb to the top. Rather, it is a necessity to support a family. In these cases, the laws providing reasonable work hours, personal time off, and maternity leave provide much-needed protection. Many states have laws requiring employers to give time off for parent-teacher conferences and family care days. Even with these allowances, there is always a conflict between being the diligent worker and the loving, present parent.
So, who is the happiest woman you know? If it’s not you, perhaps you can be. Define what happiness means to you. Next seek the career that is fulfilling to you, but not filling your entire life so nothing is left for the ones you love. Ultimately, the ones you love make life worth living. Give it your all at work, but when you get home be in the moment. For some, setting a work week of 42 hours is right and for others 50 is the magic number. Many employers offer flexible work arrangements. You may need to enhance your skills to broaden your career opportunities. Whatever the case, carve out time to be fully-engaged with your family. It is cliché, but true. At the end of one’s life, spending time with one’s children is seldom regretted. Conversely, many regret the days on the road and time in the office when they could have been at the family dinner table. It’s not about women’s rights. It’s about making the right choices and supporting other women to pursue happiness as they please.