Handling bullies in the workplace
I’ve often said that the workplace can be a microcosm of middle school behavior. You have your popular kids, the “star players” who aren’t all that smart, the geeks and nerds, and the bullies. Workplace bullies are more common than you may think. A full 30% of people recently surveyed indicated that they’d been the victims of such behavior. Bullying is a form of harassment—uninvited, undeserved, and unwarranted—and should not be tolerated as with any other form of harassment. However, we all know that what should happen and what does happen in real life can be two different things. Bullies are sneaky and pull their stunts when no one is around to witness them. Also, it can be problematic to get HR and management to understand the extent of the bullying and the impact of this abusive behavior. That’s why everyone should be armed to stand up to such conduct and defuse it.
What it looks like
Most workplace bullying is verbal in nature. It usually falls into one of these categories:
Swearing and shouting at an employee or other verbal abuse.
Singling out of an employee with different policies or standards.
Ignoring or dismissing an employee’s work or contributions.
Offensive conduct or behavior that embarrasses, humiliates, or threatens.
Constant targeted criticism or gossip involving a targeted employee.
It should go without saying that yelling has no place in a professional setting unless something is on fire or about to explode. This type of bullying is the easiest to identify, document, and confront. When someone raises their voice to you, one of the most effective things to say is something along these lines: “Please do not shout at me. It is obvious that you are very emotional right now, and we can discuss this when you have regained your composure.” In true bully fashion, the offender will likely skulk off and return later, acting as if nothing happened. Do not expect an apology.
What you should do
These other forms of bullying can be more difficult to prove, and both managers and HR leaders, who can be reluctant to address workplace harassment, will often downplay them. “He’s providing you with feedback.” “It was done in jest.” “It seems like you are a bit sensitive.” This is when you need to confront your bully and call them out. I had a client recount this interaction with her manager:
I was working on an Excel file and had been going back and forth with him multiple times. Finally, he sent it back to me with a note that said, “There’s an error in one of your formulas. I’m not going to tell you where. I want YOU to find it.” I just about lost my mind at that point, and I replied that I was trying to get the team what they needed and that his harassment was doing nothing to help me complete the task. Then he came over and acted nice to me, probably because I used the word “harassment,” but I refused to be gaslit. I told him that it was childish, bullying behavior, and behavior that was not conducive to good management. He never pulled anything like it again.
Another client shared her story of how she dealt with a manager who ignored her contributions and interrupted her:
In front of everyone, I asked him why he constantly ignored what I had to say, interrupted me, and talked over me. I pointed out that he did not do that to my male colleagues and asked if that was the reason. He looked like a deer in headlights. Later, he told me that it was “inappropriate” for me to address this in the meeting, which was utterly laughable, given that he had no problem bullying me during the meeting! But he stopped doing it.
The cost of workplace bullying
The cost of allowing bullying to run rampant in your workplace is enormous. It is estimated that between lost productivity, increased absenteeism, turnover, and litigation, bullying costs American employers hundreds of millions of dollars annually. Savvy managers and companies with positive, inclusive cultures do not tolerate this type of abuse on their watch. While it’s good that employees be armed to call out bad behavior, it’s even more important that their employers back them up, and it is to everyone’s benefit. Allowing behavior of this type results in significant decreases in productivity and can take a toll on employees’ mental health. If you are being bullied or witness this behavior, do not sweep it under the rug. Your contributions are noteworthy, and workplace respect is something we all deserve – especially since most people spend A LOT of time at work. Take control of your situation to ensure you feel good about yourself and the environment in which you work.