Don’t Be a Martyr for the Cause
A Tony-award-winning singer and actress performs with a high fever. A Ph.D. candidate defends her dissertation from her hospital bed just hours after giving birth. An investment banker working 100+ hours per week tells his family he is exhausted and wants to quit, then suddenly dies from an acute coronary artery thrombus.
These are stories of people lauded by their employers, industry, and managers for their dedication and commitment. Idina Menzel famously performed at the Tony Awards in 2004 while sick with a 103-degree fever. Rutgers University Ph.D. candidate Tamiah Rodriguez defended her dissertation 7 hours after giving birth after her advisor cautioned her about seeking “sympathy” if she asked for an extension. Thirty-five-year-old Army veteran and junior investment banker at Bank of America, Leo Lekunas, spoke with a recruiter about a new job shortly before his death, citing the stress and long hours as his reason for wanting to change.
All three of these highly publicized stories are of people who went “above and beyond” for their careers. And their employers and managers, short of giving some congratulatory words, did not care. This is not at all unusual. Consider the anecdotes I’ve heard from clients:
My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer that had metastasized to his brain. His boss pressured him into working from his chemo chair since they were trying to close out the quarter. After he died, they cleared his office within three days because they “needed the space.”
A colleague died after suffering a heart attack while he was driving. When his family came to our office, security would not allow them past the lobby. They gave the family his belongings in a banker’s box but wouldn’t let them see where their son/brother spent most of his time.
I worked from the NICU, where my premature baby had to spend the first four months of her life. When I came home and could return to work fully, I was part of a mass layoff. Had I known that would happen, I would not have worked to maintain my level of performance during my daughter’s hospitalization.
A colleague was ill with cancer, and our CEO sent out a message to all employees asking us to donate PTO so that he could continue his treatment, rather than just quietly granting him paid leave or creating a policy that would have helped him.
These anecdotes support a universal truth: your company does not care about you. You need to understand this. You need to expect this. Use all of your PTO. Take care of yourself and your family. Focus on your health. Your obligation to your employer is to provide a service for which they pay you until one of you decides to end the relationship. You need to think of yourself as the CEO of your career, which means always thinking about what is best for you. You are a free agent.
The most essential asset in your career is you. Prioritize your well-being, set boundaries, and ensure your professional journey aligns with your personal values and health. Do not sacrifice yourself for an employer. Ever.