Are your language and messaging sexist? They might be!
Are your language and messaging sexist? They might be! There is no doubt that sexism, misogyny, and inequality still exist in the 21st century. The wage gap shows little sign of narrowing, let alone going away, and a glass ceiling still holds women back. Last week, I posted about an incident in which a potential client commented on my appearance during a video call. When an interviewer asked then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton about her choice in designers, she responded by asking, “Clothing designers?” The reporter affirmed that, yes, he was asking her about which designers she liked to wear. She retorted, “Would you ask that of a man?” You may recall an instance in which a shareholder referred to Google’s CFO as “the lady CFO” at a meeting.
I have said multiple times, language matters. While I regularly counsel my women clients on avoiding reductive and self-deprecating language, rarely does anyone advise men on avoiding subtly sexist comments. Consider Mrs. Clinton’s remark—would you say the same thing to a man? Would a reporter ever have asked Henry Kissinger or Mike Pompeo about their clothing choices? Would anyone ever qualify a man’s position by noting his gender, such as “the gentleman attorney”? Of course not. Here are some things that women commonly hear in the workplace that are inappropriate and sexist. If you’re doing any of these, STOP, post haste!
While we are at the conference, the wives can go to the spa. There may be some conference attendees who have husbands.
You should smile more. You should keep your mouth shut!
When are you going to have a baby? None of your business. Do men ever get this question?
“Working mothers.” Working fathers, anyone? No? I didn’t think so.
Man up. This implies that only men are strong.
Is your husband going to be okay with you working all these hours to complete the client project? Again, does anyone ever ask a man if his wife is okay with the amount of time he spends at work?
“Abrasive, opinionated, shrill.” These adjectives are not typically ascribed to men. And when used to describe women, this is code for a pejorative term.
You need to be mindful of your tone when you’re speaking. Men are rarely if ever, coached on their tone of voice.
It was a joke. This is a default when someone knows he’s said something he shouldn’t have.
“Oh, you got engaged/got married/had a baby! How wonderful! We should do something nice for you.” Do you similarly celebrate women’s professional accomplishments?
The bottom line is this: think before you speak, and put your thoughts through the “Would I say the same thing to a man?” filter. And, when you know you’ve said something that you shouldn’t have, don’t make excuses. Accept responsibility, apologize, and move on.