Are you conflict-resistant?
You probably are. At least to some extent, most of us like to avoid conflict rather than face it head on. But conflict is a necessary and unavoidable part of the human experience, and avoiding it can be detrimental. What do you do if you are conflict averse, but a big part of your job is managing others, dealing with clients, or negotiating with vendors? A strategy of conflict avoidance will not serve you, your employees, your clients, or your partners. If you find yourself actively avoiding confrontation, you need to reassess and to reframe your thinking. Rather than seeing conflict or disagreement as an assault on your values, look at it as an opportunity to put your values into practice.
Be direct and open. Share the broader business context for your feedback, and then get into specifics.
Not just the facts. Although you want to be sure you cover the facts, you don’t want to come off as an emotionless robot that just cites chapter and verse. You also want to be sure that you acknowledge the other people involved, and that you keep any discussions you have from turning into personal attacks.
Be comfortable causing discomfort. Sometimes tough conversations inevitably lead to hurt feelings, disagreement, and defensiveness. Prepare for these possible scenarios and practice your responses.
Stay calm, and listen to understand. Try not to let emotions or personal feelings get in the way of your goal of diffusing the conflict. Look at the whole picture. Remember, most disputes are eventually resolved. So when conflict inevitably happens, it is helpful to stop and think that it will be resolved eventually.
Stop worrying about being liked. Rather than focusing on being liked, turn your attention toward being respected. People respect leaders who get things done and take action, not those who run away from confrontation.
Do it now. Putting off an uncomfortable conversation will only make it worse when it inevitably comes to fruition. Don’t procrastinate. It is much easier and more effective to confront problems when they arise than it is to allow them to fester.
Attack the problem, not the person. No one responds positively to an ad hominem attack. Conflicts tend to become emotionally fraught when someone chooses not to focus on the issue at hand but rather to question another person’s competency, autonomy or integrity. Focus on the action or consequences, not on the person.
Drop the negativity. Go into conflict resolutions by expecting a positive outcome. Don’t fret over everything that might go wrong. Set the expectation that after the discussion, things will improve.
Work through a plan. Come up with a plan with measurable steps for resolving the conflict. For example, “going forward, customer issues will not be subject to any delay that exceeds one business day.”
The bottom line
It takes time to change behavior, but following these suggestions can help you to stop fearing conflict, and to begin seeing it as an inherent part of dealing with other people. Your willingness to appropriately address conflict sets the stage for your own success!
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