This Protracted Job Search Is Embarrassing!
A reader writes:
I was laid off in Q422 and still have not secured employment. While I know that my industry (the tech sector) has been hit hard, it is difficult for me to deal with this lengthy job search on a daily basis. I am embarrassed for several reasons. First, I always had not just a job but a “good” job. I was paid well, and I held important, critical roles. Second, I dread fielding questions from friends and family about my job search and the implied question, “Why are you still unemployed?” No one has said this to me directly, but I feel like everyone is silently asking it. I am ashamed that, despite my work history, education, and experience, I remain unemployed.
This is a common feeling among those faced with long-term unemployment. Between job rejection and getting ghosted, feeling defeated while looking for work is understandable. Although this is a shared experience many job seekers have, it can still be isolating.
Searching for a job takes a toll on your psyche. You question your self-worth. You struggle with the right way to answer questions about your search, whether those come from interviewers, friends, or family. When the lack of progress in your job search activities continues for a protracted time, it can feel like repeated rejection, allowing feelings of shame to take over.
Shame is the death knell of your job search. Shame is a natural emotion that occurs when you fall short but fight the urge to shrink and isolate yourself. Do you find yourself embracing any of these myths?
I wouldn’t have been laid off if I had been “good enough” or performing at a higher level.
If I were “good enough,” I could get another job quickly.
My value goes down every day I am unemployed.
If I were more likable, I would have found a new job by now.
Remove these thoughts from your psyche. The irony of these shameful thoughts is that they discount that unemployment is highly likely for millions of people. Market conditions--- changes in financial stability, declining demand, and over-supply—lead to layoffs. Unemployment is part of a larger system of uncertainty, change, and lack of control. It is most often beyond the control of those who are let go. Free yourself from toxic myths that have no bearing in fact or reality. The facts are that:
High performers get laid off all the time.
People are often fired because someone—usually a manager—simply does not like them.
Finding a new job is tough. It takes time and effort. Finding a new job within weeks of losing your previous one is not the norm for most people.
There are a multitude of reasons that you have not been hired. It’s unlikely that your “likeability” factor is at the top of them.
Why feel shame? There is nothing immoral, malicious, or negligent about being unemployed. Unemployment befalls people of all socio-economic groups and educational levels. Dare I say that it is a universal experience? Unemployment is a temporary situation. Think of it as a problem to solve rather than as a personal failure.
Empower yourself with this understanding: being between jobs is not a reflection of your capabilities or character. It’s a phase, albeit a challenging one, that countless qualified and admirable professionals navigate through. It’s essential to lean on your resilience and remember your worth is not defined by your employment status. Keep reaching out, stay connected, and remain open to new opportunities. The right role is out there, and with persistence and confidence in your proven track record, you’ll find it. Remember, every day is a step closer to your goal. Keep moving forward.