Cinderella Syndrome
We all know the story of Cinderella. It is the classic rags-to-riches tale filled with supernatural components and the stuff of a good fairytale. It is a story about overcoming oppression and receiving a just reward; a universal tale about the triumph of good over evil; and a story of the desire for love, acceptance, and a higher standard of living. Fundamentally, Cinderella is the story of the universal human desire for belonging and acceptance.
As this is the final blog for Women’s History Month, I want to discuss the Cinderella syndrome, which disproportionately affects women. The Cinderella syndrome is rooted in a desire to be appreciated for our efforts and to have our achievements noted, recognized, and lauded. It is a mindset that harms women’s confidence, as it sets the expectation that someone (like a prince) will help them and lead them to attain their objectives. It is a fear of independence and makes some women more insecure and unconscious of their power.
There are no wicked stepmothers at work. However, there definitely are self-serving managers. Some Cinderellas want to progress in their careers but haven’t been promoted because they are too valuable to their boss in their current role. If Cinderella moves on, who will be the corporate scullery maid?
No prince is coming to sweep you off your feet and escort you to senior management.
Only you can put an end to your Cinderella syndrome. Here are some tips:
Take credit for your achievements. Don’t share credit if it is not warranted. If you did all the work on the project, don’t give credit to anyone other than yourself.
Recognize your value. Stop taking on more work to ease the burden of others. Decline projects you lack bandwidth for, and delegate others as you see fit.
Take control of your career. This means not leaving your next progression to chance or luck but having it planned within a definite time frame.
Know your worth. Discussing salaries may be uncomfortable, but the gender pay gap is helping to increase transparency and allows you to benchmark your salary.
Be prepared to negotiate. Plans only come into reality when you are willing to negotiate for the next role and package associated.
Define your success. Success needn’t be measured strictly in terms of money. What is most valuable to you?
You will never find the perfect fit.
Many of us are obsessed with the idea of the dream job. When recruiting teams gear up to make a new hire, they seek out the “perfect fit.” There is no glass shoe here. No job will be perfect for you, and no role for which you will be the perfect fit. Cinderella needs to ditch the glass heels in favor of something more flexible and practical, like a loafer. Each new role is a challenge, with its own problems waiting to be solved.
There can be a happy ending.
The happy ending comes when you stop setting yourself up for failure. The first step is to recognize the myths and fairytales that you’ve been taught are not reality: hard work does not equal success; hard work often goes unappreciated and unrecognized; no one is going to “save” you; and oppressors infrequently get their comeuppance. Speak your mind. Speak up for yourself. Stop volunteering for low-value work. There is one prince from whom we can learn, and that is the one created by Italian political theorist Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli. I suggest this book for a more modern, woman-centric take: Machiavelli for Women.
“What is better than wisdom? Woman. And what is better than a good woman? Nothing.”
Geoffrey Chaucer