The Ridiculous But Never Sublime
How many times have I seen totally ridiculous statements on résumés? Too many to count; I can assure you. Some of them really deserve a place in writing, if not in history. This is sad because the unsuspecting candidate will never get the interview, but very funny for the rest of us. Here are some that will at the very least, bring a smile to your face, and yes, these have actually appeared on résumés!
1. “I was fired from my last job because I was never on time. Now I am planning on working closer to home.”
Sure, join our team because we seek out those that are lazy and dedicated to mediocrity.
2. “One of my hobbies is jumping out of birthday cakes.”
3. “My résumé is the bet résumé you will ever see.”
Let’s not bet on that.
4. “I can type 875 wpm.”
Wow! I would really like to see that myself.
5. “I can thype really, really fast.”
Really? Well, not without making a really, really big mistake.
6. “I am good when working with others because I ignore everything.”
I don’t even know what to say to this!
7. “Special Skills include focused, decimated, and diligent.”
Yes, you just decimated dedicated.
8. “Seeking a position where I don’t have to interact with any other people.”
Perfect. I have the right position for you…a cemetery.
9. “Helpless when providing administrateive support.”
That’s a double there!
10. “I am people-focused and detail orientated.”
As opposed to sociopathic and careless.
I have witnessed these winning résumés personally! Good for a laugh – but on a serious note, you need to take your career or job search more seriously than this. Check it once, check it twice, and have someone else check it just to be safe!
Happy Searching.
Comments and feedback are requested and desired; and you are welcome and encouraged to submit questions to thecareerdoctor.
Debra Wheatman, CPRW, CPCC is the founder and Chief Career Strategist of ResumesDoneWrite, a premier career services provider focused on developing highly personalized career roadmaps for senior leaders and executives across all verticals and industries.
Debra can be reached at -
DWheatman@ResumesDoneWrite.com
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