Horrifying Stories from the Workplace
I hear stories. Many stories. Stories about interviews, about workplace culture, about coworkers. These stories range from absurd, to amusing, to flat-out horrifying. I wanted to share with you four such stories that belong in the “horrifying” category. I heard all of these just this week. For anyone who thinks that adults always conduct themselves as professionals in the workplace and that men and women are treated equally, is entirely out of touch with reality. Read on:
I was on a business trip with a male colleague. One night at dinner, he made some inappropriate comments to me. I handled the situation well and defused it. I didn’t want to make a formal complaint, but I did think that I should let management know. I told my manager and HR what happened. I made it clear that I was not asking them to take any action against this guy, but that I just wanted them to be aware that they needed to be watchful of him. He’s a top performer, and I didn’t want to make any waves. Shortly after that meeting, and out of nowhere, I was called to another meeting with my manager and HR and was told I was being placed on a 90-day performance improvement plan (PIP)! I was stunned. I asked if this had to do with my allegations against my coworker, and they tripped over themselves, denying that. I left that meeting and retained an employment attorney. Lesson learned: document everything and when in doubt, consult a lawyer!
Are you kidding me?!?!?! She warns them that they have a sexual harasser in their ranks, and instead of doing anything about it, they put HER on a PIP? Unbelievable yet totally believable.
I was in a meeting with the principal of the school. It was just the two of us, and it was supposed to be a meeting to debrief following his observation of my class. He went off on a tangent about how when he was in high school, there was a classmate who took steroids and lifted weights and subsequently developed gynecomastia. He told me this little story to work in the fact that he and his friends would refer to this person as “b*tch t*ts.” Also, when he found out that my fiancé is Catholic (I am Muslim), he looked at me and said, “Well, it’s a good thing he’s not a Jew”! I didn’t know what to say! I’m not tenured, so I feel like I have no leverage.
So much wrong, and potentially illegal, here. I advised her to contact an employment attorney ASAP. Like, last week.
I was young, and I was working at a Big 4 firm. I was in a meeting with the rest of the project team, almost all of whom were male, including the partner (of course). This project was going to entail many late nights and significant travel. The partner pointed to me and said, “You. Are you single? Married? What?” I was so taken aback that I sort of blurted out, “I’m engaged.” He responded with, “Is your fiancé going to be okay with this?” Desperate to be out of the spotlight, I replied that, no, he wouldn’t have a problem with the demands on my time. The perfect comeback came to me later, and that was, “Actually, since I’m not yet married, I will have to get permission from my father. Let me check with him, and I will get back to you.” There’s no way I would tolerate this now, 20 years later, but at the time, I felt humiliated.
So, curiously (or not), none of the men in this meeting were grilled about whether they had permission from their significant others to work on said project. Only the young woman. Got it.
What all of these anecdotes have in common is the fact that it is impossible to imagine this happening to someone with a Y chromosome. And yes, these are anecdotal stories, but they are not at all uncommon. And what these tales do is corroborate what women have been saying for decades about the disparate treatment they endure in the workplace. It is past time for this to end.