Become a great listener and people will LOVE talking to you

You may have noticed that many, if not most, people are not very skilled communicators. This puts the onus on you, as the listener, to untangle the meaning of what is being conveyed. This can be difficult and arduous. Even if the speaker is clear and cogent, there may be concepts that are still hard to grasp. We tend to think of listening as a passive activity, but nothing could be further from the truth. Good listeners know they must listen intently and actively and ask questions when they need clarification. Here are some tips to help you become a great listener.

Listen with empathy. All people want empathy. We want to know that we are valued and appreciated. Listening with empathy helps you to create a safe environment and puts the other person at ease. This supports the speaker’s confidence and self-esteem. 

Put away your phone. Don’t look at your phone, type out an email, or check your social media. This tells the speaker that what they are saying is irrelevant. Aside from being rude, this goes against the first rule, which is to listen with empathy.

Pay attention to what is not said. Observe behavior and body language. Does the speaker appear tense? If so, as a good listener, you should try to appear non-confrontational and relaxed. 

Think before you respond. A good listener will take time before responding. She will mull over what she heard and ask thoughtful questions rather than just rambling on. 

Listen to learn and to understand. People often listen to be polite rather than out of genuine curiosity. If you’re listening out of generosity, it will inhibit an authentic dialogue. Every conversation has the potential to teach you something.

Ask more questions and repeat what you heard. This shows that you are engaged and are paying attention to what the speaker has to say. By repeating what you heard, the speaker has the opportunity to confirm or clarify what their intention was. From there, you can move on. 

Whether you’re talking with colleagues, customers, family, or friends, it’s important to maintain a cooperative environment and not be argumentative, critical, or judgmental. The result of being a great listener is that you will have great conversations. People will want to talk to you and will value your time and your input. Being a great listener requires effort and consistency, but the payoff can be huge.