Should I Go to HR?

Dear Deb:

I have an issue with my manager right now. He is verbally abusive to me and my coworkers. A colleague was recently out for a religious observance, and he made fun of him when he returned, referring to him as “Captain Falafel.” Another woman has young children, and he will comment that she shouldn’t have children if she wants a career. I am in the midst of an international adoption myself, and he recently quipped that “having a family is not strategic.” 

I have documented instances of his abuse, and I want to go to HR, but I am afraid that he will retaliate against me if he knows that I reported him. How can I ensure that what I say to HR remains confidential?

Thanks,

Michelle

Hi Michelle:

To answer your direct question, you should never assume anything you say to HR is confidential. HR is different from a doctor, lawyer, therapist, or clergyperson. HR exists for one purpose only: to protect the company’s interests. 

In some cases, there are things that HR must report and investigate. The examples you’ve given would fall into that category. If your manager is making comments based upon employees’ protected classes—and he clearly is making comments about religion and gender, both protected classes—your HR department needs to address that so that it does not become a liability to the company. If HR hears information deemed necessary to share or investigate, their job obligates them to do so.

In your specific case, you should go to HR about this behavior. This is not an issue of employees being “whiny” or not liking their manager. This is an issue of your manager abusing employees and putting the company at risk. You said that you have documentation of these conversations, which hopefully include dates, times, and names of those present, along with a description of what transpired. While it is possible that your manager might retaliate, I think it’s unlikely. He will know that he is under the microscope and will probably be on his best behavior instead.

All the best, 

Deb