My Male Colleagues Won't Respect Me

Hi Deb:

I have a question that I’m sure you’ve heard before. When I’m in meetings at work, I’m often the only woman in the room/on the call. My male colleagues continuously interrupt me, talk over me, and dismiss what I’m saying. I’ve spoken with my manager (who is a man) privately about this, and he said that he would address it, but nothing changes. I’ve also asked the interrupters to please let me finish speaking. While that works in the moment, it doesn’t seem to have a lasting effect.

What would you suggest?

Thanks,
Renee

Dear Renee:

You are describing an all-too-common occurrence. This happens with such frequency that it has become rote. And before I get commenters pointing out that women do this too, let me say, yes, women do this also. But the majority of the perpetrators are men. From an early age, men are taught that this is okay. And girls are taught that this is just the way things are. This is a huge cultural barrier to women in the workforce.

You’ve already addressed this behavior with your manager, and it hasn’t resolved. You have also attempted to call out the rude and dismissive behavior of your colleagues, without any permanent change in their behavior. So here is what I suggest.

The next time you’re interrupted, stop talking, but also stop paying attention. Do not absorb anything the person who interrupted you is saying. Don’t nod your head in assent, or lean in. Stare off blankly as you listen to the blithering noise. When the noise stops, you take over again. You state the following words, “I was not finished speaking when you interrupted me.”

Then, start back at the beginning. Repeat everything you said previously, and finish your thoughts. I don’t care if this takes 30 seconds or 30 minutes. Hold your ground. Give exactly ZERO credence or relevance to the person who interrupted you. He is the one being rude, not you.

I’ve found that in most situations like this, it is best to approach the situation by asking yourself, “What would a man do here?” And then proceed as such. Hopefully, your coworkers will get the point, and will not want to sit through this repetitive nonsense, and will learn to shut up. Will they think you’re abrasive, cold, b*tchy? Absolutely. But that’s better than being the doormat.

Stop allowing them to treat you this way, and they probably will learn their lesson. It might cost you some “friends,” but you will gain self-esteem and confidence.

Let me know how this works out for you.

All my best,

Deb